Do you ever wonder how to ask God for what you want? Is there a right way to pray to God?
There are times I feel like I need to pray just the right way. Maybe if I use the right words and have the correct attitude, I can convince God to do what I want. Do you ever fall into the same pattern of thinking?
Oh Dear One, let me encourage you. God doesn’t answer our prayers just because we checked all the boxes during our prayer. He isn’t looking for perfect words or attitudes. There isn’t a right way to pray. He wants to hear our needs and our hearts (Psalm 62:8).
Should we ask God for things? YES!
Maybe you can relate to this story.
My husband, Kevin, is putting our 4-year-old in his carseat. Little Man continues whining on repeat about the thing. Calmly, Kevin looks at him and says, “Son, I would love to give it to you, but you have to actually ask first.”
Ask.
It couldn’t be easier right?
As if I was instructing my toddler to “Use your words.”, I felt the Holy Spirit nudge my heart, “Jessica, how often do you want something, so you grieve. You whine. You complain. You get angry. . . . Yet, you do not ask!”
My mind flooded with scripture verses.
“You do not have, because you do not ask.” (James 4:2c, ESV)
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.” (Matthew 7:7, ESV)
“… let your requests be made known to God.” (Philippians 4:6b, ESV)
All throughout scripture God commands and encourages us to ask Him for what we want. God longs to hear your requests. Give Him the pleasure of hearing from you!
The first way you ask God for what you want is to simply start praying. Then, as you pray, consider what you believe about God and His character.
Pray according to God’s goodness.
I don’t know about you, but I would never say, “I don’t believe God is good!”
Saying so feels like heresy. Even allowing the direct thought in my head seems like it would summon my pastor and elders to the door to pray over my lost soul.
Yet, we live day-to-day not trusting His goodness.
We aren’t quite sure whether God has it out for us the moment we sin, or whether He really does have our personal best interests in mind. Does God care about me personally and what I’m going through? Or does He just care about His Kingdom and advancing His Gospel globally?
Jesus answers our hearts directly in Matthew 7:7-11:
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him! (ESV)”
Just as my husband desires to give our son good things, so God longs to shower us with blessings! Yet, like any parent, He sometimes holds back something good, until we ask Him for it.
“That sounds so easy,” you may say, “just trust that God is a good Father, and He will give us good things. But if I’m honest, I still struggle to believe.”
I hear you.
The past disappointments of life, abuse, trauma, broken relationships, parental failures, poor church leadership, and so many other things can imprint on our hearts the lie that God is not good, not safe, not trustworthy.
For those of you who long to trust God, and feel unable to do so – I see you.
God sees you.
Ask Him for good despite your fears. Make your trust an action rather than feeling.
Even when your heart is questioning whether God is a good Father, you can obey His commands. Ask Him to meet your needs, choosing to trust His heart for you, even if He says, “No.” to your request.
Consider what you believe when God says “No.”
In many hearts, the idea persists that God won’t really give us what we ask for.
He may be good, but His idea of good is like the parent that gives their child spinach or salad. He’s good, but we won’t necessarily like His version of goodness.
Jesus’ own brother gives us a reason why God says “No” to our requests.
“You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, ‘He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us’?” (James 4:2b-5, ESV)
There are two concrete action steps in this passage. Consider:
- Have you asked for what you want (v. 2b)!
- If you have asked, and still haven’t seen a favorable answer, do a heart check. Ask yourself: What do I believe will ultimately make me happy? (vv. 3-5)
God desires to give you a closeness to Himself, which is a greater blessing than anything in the world. He will at times say “No” to our requests, in order to draw our hearts to Himself.
The things He denies may be good things! Yet, they may also be things that He knows we desire more than we desire Him (cf. Matthew 6:19-21, 24).
Do I want to be married more, or Jesus more? Children, or Jesus? That new job…. or Jesus?
When I’m hiding in the bathroom, exhausted from my 4-year-old’s, “Why… why… why… why… why… why… why… why… why… why?” I have to face the question, “What do I want more right now, a moment of peace and quiet, or Jesus?”
God may not give me the peace and quiet I think I desperately need, because He wants me to find Him to be better and stronger.
When God says, “No,” to our requests, He offers us something greater in return: Himself.
How you ask God for what you want depends on what you believe your greatest good is. If you think getting a “Yes” to your request is the greatest good, then you will often be disappointed by God’s wisdom.
However, when you cling to Jesus as the ultimate good, and God says “No.” to another request – this is a chance for You to see and experience Jesus more richly. Rejoicing that His presence is enough, will transform how you ask God for what you want.
Start asking God for things with gratitude.
I do a lot of thinking about why my children whine for things rather than asking directly. I would love to get them a snack or a glass of water if they ask nicely. Why don’t they just use their polite words?
As I’ve pondered, I’ve realized how often I think certain things are my right. That glass of water should just be there, I shouldn’t have to ask!
Do you find a spirit of entitlement rather than thankfulness easily creeps into your life?
We expect things to go well for us. We assume everything will work out. And when something doesn’t go well or work out, we aren’t grateful for what we have.
We don’t assume we have a gracious Father who is willing to provide for all our needs (Matthew 6:25-33). We feel wronged or defrauded by our lack.
An entitled heart struggles to practice thanksgiving.
I work hard to train my children to use kind words with their requests. Rather than a demanding, “Water!” we rehearse, “May I have water, please.”
The Apostle Paul gives us some similar training.
“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:4-7, ESV)
Rejoicing and thanksgiving must characterize our hearts. As you pray earnestly, first recognize that your joy comes from the presence of God, not the granting of your request (cf. Psalm 16:11).
Our attitudes of gratefulness will allow our hearts to overflow in prayers aligned with God’s will (Psalm 37:4) trusting His goodness for our every need.
Then, God truly will answer our prayers abundantly above all we ask think or desire, because we are asking boldly, looking for our joy and satisfaction in Him, not earthly treasure (Matthew 6).
Start your intentional gratitude practice with “Rejoice Always: A 100 Day Gratitude Journal”
Remember, you who are in Christ are beloved!
His favor toward you doesn’t rest on whether you pray well or pray poorly. His attitude towards us is already pre-decided for those of us who are in Christ. The love and affection God has for His Son is richly poured out on you in every way.
How we pray matters because our hearts need to be reminded of truth. We easily become consumed with our needs and lose sight of the greater truth around us.
Dear One, as you move through your day today, remember God loves you. So, present your request to Him boldly. Look to receive His presence as you walk by faith – no matter what answer God gives to your prayer.
Are you looking for guidance on how to pour out your heart to God? Do you struggle with what to say to God?
Some days putting our thoughts in order can be difficult.
I created the Guided Prayer Journal as a FREE resource to guide you through a simple prayer process.
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